I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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