Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I skipped work to stalk him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
