You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
