just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
