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some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize