You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
