Sober January is a disaster.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
