the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
