they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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