I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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