Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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