pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
