I just saw a hot homeless man
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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