dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
