Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
