there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The power of my boobs compel you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
