Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
