Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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