He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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