used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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