6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
