Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
