When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
