singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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