No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
