We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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