So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize