Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
