Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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