I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's blow job season.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
