Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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