I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we made out on top of his cat.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
