ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
