that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
