Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
