now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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