420 ftw
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
