I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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