The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
