I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
