then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize