the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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