She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
