i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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