yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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