Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
