my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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