Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Couch. On fire.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
