I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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