It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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