I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
