Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
