I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
