if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
