we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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