Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
