It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
