You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
