you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
