her vagine was all disorganized.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am midnight drunk by noon
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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