ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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