I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
