It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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