My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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