just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
