She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
