his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
