it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
