history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize