so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
