dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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