Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
