There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
