That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
vagina is talking i cant
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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