i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
