He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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