So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
