I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
