dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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