He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
