I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
