i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
