I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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