Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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