He asked to "fluff my boner.."
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
