i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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