Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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