dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
