I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
