I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
