Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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