Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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