I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
