Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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