i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
