So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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