he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
