Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
