he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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