he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Randomize
