Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
