is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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