One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
