I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
