I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
