I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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