please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
