My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
