just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
